I apologize for the potential internal conflicts and food poisoning you may receive upon reading this post.
1: Ferbella.
Wait! Don’t throw that tomato at my blog yet!
Uh, so, first of all, I don’t support this, so you can put that tomato down. Maybe use it to make soup. Or a more disgusting version of V8, because, after all, no one drinks V8 anymore. Or a pinholder.
Anyways, Ferbella.
Hold the freaking tomato!
2: The “Unrequited Love Switcheroo” trope that eventually turns into, uh…
…Ferbella.
No tomatoes!
So, TV Tropes has a trope known as the Unrequited Love Switcheroo where Character A (Isabella) has a crush on Character X (Phineas) but is blatantly ignored or X is oblivous. Eventually, Character A (Isabella) finally gets the hint, and moves onto the next logical (because, of course, when you’re in love, you make the most logical choices when you can only see a single person eighteen hours of the day), also known as Character Y (Ferb).
Of course, it works out, but then Character X finally gets the hint, and then realizes his stupidity. Character A then is forced to choose between Character X and Y and then boom!
Hooray!
Extremist anime fans rejoice — it’s a Love Triangle! Which, by extension, is a Sibling Triangle, in this situation.
At this point, our little story gains enough social XP and it evolves — some writers turn to Ship to Ship Combat in order to somehow resolve the situation. Some, on the other hand, throw everyone into the melting pot, and make a Love Dodecahedron. Others, who haven’t learned social customs by now, resort to, uhm, a One True Threesome. And then, of course, some writers who are the seeds of all lemon trees in the world, write, uhm, a Dodecahedron Party.
Which, for your information, doesn’t exist by the way.
Oh? There’s an obscure TV show like that? It’s called…Friends?
Huh.
I guess you can throw that tomato now.
3: People who just randomly die for no reason.
Wait, did you hold that tomato?
You’ll probably need it for this one.
So, you know that classic story in which the character dies for no apparent reason?
No?
Yeah, neither do I. But anyways.
Basically, this isn’t your classic Disney Death. Oh, no, it’s so much more. Basically, some random character dies, and then all the other characters start killing each other because they think the person they’re killing is the killer but actually the killer turns out to be someone who no one thought of — Lawrence Fletcher.
Okay, so that was a bit extreme, I have to admit.
You want a more realistic version?
Your Game Master gets fed up with all of you, and kills you all spectacularly in one final swoop.
Realism. It’s cool.
But, basically, everyone dies eventually.
Yeah, sorry, I guess immortality doesn’t exist. Which, I guess, is why the world death rate seems to be holding steady at 100%.
But, seriously, writers. Did you really have to choose Isabella to die in the first 3 sentences of the text? Did Phineas really have to murder Ferb with a toaster oven just because he ate the last bowl of Meap Carbonated Goulash? Did I just find out “goulash” was a real word?
Yes, yes I did.
Go ahead, throw that freaking tomato.
4: Huh, I guess the show doesn’t really push that Phineas is oblivious to Isabella. Let’s push it past the edge!
Here, I caught your tomato. You might want to throw it at your screen on this next one.
So, I guess no one figured out that love hurts.
Hm, let’s push it some more!
Why do all of these writers think it’s a good idea to write a story specifically on Phineas’s obliviousness to Isabella? I mean, do they really need to write a story specifically addressing that issue?
“Yes, yes we do.”
“Shut up, you loners!”
Huh.
And then, of course, we have the stereotypical resolution at the end.
Yay!
Or, of course, this happens:
5: Screw happy endings.
Yay, everyone’s all happy!
But then, suddenly —
The lights suddenly black out.
Female scream cue.
Gunshot sound in the distance.
Another scream.
The lights come back on.
Ugh.
Why, when we had the resolution, you had to add another problem right after?
Was there really a reason for Isabella to get hit by a car after she and Phineas finally got together? Was there a reason for Baljeet to suddenly become a hopeless romantic after the everything? (yes, status quo, people.)
All I have to say is…
Soldiers, get those tomato launchers.
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